Food for thought: Each Heart Knows Its Own Bitterness, and No One Else Can Share In Its Joy. Proverbs 14:10
I can totally identify with this. Over the years, I have experienced various dark valleys in my journey. Then there have been seasons where my heart has exploded with exhilaration over a fortunate blessing. Life waxes and wanes with ups and downs. I am still learning to receive both, gracefully.
When I have been in the dark days, I am so quick to convey my grief, sadness and angst to my family and friends. I expect them to know exactly how it feels, and to “go there” with me. It feels better if they can truly understand my depths of despair. The sharing, (or–complaining) has fallen on gracious ears over the years. In return, I receive words of confirmation and validation. I have been heard. They got it.
But, sometimes, I continue to feel unheard.
I have been particularly hard on my husband in this area. In my times of frustration and angst, I really want him to feel what I feel. I guess it means I want him burning as I do…I literally want him to feel my pain. How’s that for showing my true colors? Really. My misery has LOVED, LONGED for company, and when it didn’t get some fellowship, I’ve felt desperate. I have even criticized: “You just don’t get it!!”
Something quietly dawned on me: That’s right, he doesn’t. Of course this man–in spite of sharing every detail of my life–can never truly feel how I feel. And just because he doesn’t, does it mean his concern is insincere?
I have come to terms with the disconnect. I gotta let people off the hook–and forgive, for not “getting” it. I savor these words of Solomon, which pointed me toward emotional maturity.
1. I extend more grace to people who appear unconcerned.
2. The desire to share my grievances, and the temptation to complain has diminished.
3. In the occasion of overwhelming joy, I can share the good news sensibly, without sounding boastful.
4. Most of all, it helps me to remain in a meditative place when I experience life’s peaks and valleys.
Your joy is your own; your bitterness is your own. No one can share them with you.
It sounds harsh, but on the other hand, sometimes raw selfishness needs to be confronted.
Meanwhile, this bit of freedom might actually improve your relationships.
Enjoy your journey,
Leigh
I love this, Leigh. It is freeing. We (and God!) are the only ones that can truly know our own heart. It’s hard not to want to vent about the shortcomings of the day or week and I fight with myself daily to highlight only the positive in my thoughts and words.
thanks heather. i know this one might come off as a little too personal. but i found myself resenting people a little too often. you are an awesome encourager! we can only feel one feeling at a time, so it is a discipline and practice to feel the positive, and the gratitude. (for me, i have to practice a lot!)
Fabulous explanation! I was confused initially when I read the quotation, but now I understand. I love these posts! I actively follow only four blogs, and I’m happy with them because I like choosing carefully how I use my time. I’m actually creating my own major in college, and am continually inspired to continue down this path by people like you two. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Wow, what a nice compliment. I thought this concept might not make sense…I wanted to share anyway, because it’s helped me so much. There is so much ugliness in me that needs to be worked out! I appreciate the feedback! Blessings to you! Leigh
good stuff Leigh! I think most women can relate to this!
Oh Leigh…,.no one can know how much you have wrestled with this scripture….I just LOVE this posting. LOVE it!!!! In just a few words….there is such a HUGE HUGE message. Good job!